


Reputation

by sapphiclovestory



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Brief mentions of suicide, F/F, idk how this is gonna end so don't expect a happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28677180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphiclovestory/pseuds/sapphiclovestory
Summary: Leah’s trying to heal from the heartache Jeff brought her by consuming herself in a lifestyle she’s never been familiar with. Fatin has a reputation for knowing how to have a good time and not being ashamed of it in the slightest.ORThe high school AU where Fatin falls for a very broken Leah Rilke.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 80





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Last time I wrote a fic was when I was 13 writing Camren AU's so hopefully this isn't awful and you guys enjoy it lol. My original plan was to finish it in three parts but I don't think that's gonna be the case. Let me know your thoughts, opinions, and any suggestions for how you'd like to see this turnout!

Part 1: Only Bought This Dress So You Could Take It Off

It had been a month since she received the last text from him. “Don’t contact me again. Goodbye.” It played over and over again in her mind constantly and at times she would catch herself staring at the text without having any recollection of opening her phone. He was almost twenty years older than her, but when she was with him nothing else in the world mattered. She had been all-consumed in his entire being, she still was and she was unsure if that would ever change. 

When you read about love in books or see it in a film they make it seem so peaceful like love is the most pleasurable emotion you could ever imagine. Leah knew now, that that was untrue. The books and the films leave out the pain that comes along with love, they don’t show you the side of it that makes you curl into a ball in your empty bathtub screaming for the ache in your chest to subside. For her, that was love. Pain, heartache, and the longing for him to care about her the same way she cared about him. She knew that their relationship if you could even call it that, was unhealthy and heavily illegal; but it didn’t make it any less real to her. She quickly realised after Jeff had broken up with her that no one would understand her situation. How many seventeen-year-olds do you know that fell in love with someone nearly twenty years older than them? That’s what I thought. 

For a month she had barely even left her bed, she had showered maybe a total of six times and she could feel herself losing more and more weight as each day spent not eating passed. She missed the person she was before him, but she missed him more. There were nights where she thought she couldn’t do it anymore, “what’s the point of living if he’s not here with me,” she’d think to herself, and then immediately kick herself for how dramatic she sounded. She didn’t have anyone left, when she was with Jeff she isolated herself from everyone she cared about because she feared they would find out. She was alone, and no matter how much she screamed or cried, that pain in her chest never subsided. 

So on a Saturday evening, or morning, or maybe night (she couldn’t tell because her blinds in her room hadn’t been opened in weeks, making her bedroom seem more like a vampire’s cave) as she watched Sam Levinson’s Euphoria, she decided that maybe there was a way to make the pain subside. Leah was never one for trying drugs, in fact, the only time she had ever been drunk was with Jeff. But she found herself being drawn to it, the feeling of euphoria and, more importantly, numbness. She would do anything to stop feeling, so she picked her phone up and texted the one person she knew could help her accomplish that.

Leah: Hey Jarod, it’s Leah, are there any parties going on tonight?

She wasn’t sure if he’d reply, she had only spoken to him maybe three times in their entire high school experience, but she knew that Jarod was never sober and almost always at a party. 

Jarod: Leah!! Yeah, I’m having one at my house tonight, feel free to come by whenever.

She was shocked by the fact that he actually knew who she was, and even more shocked with how easy it was to get an invite, but she didn’t have the energy to ask questions. The hard part now was getting out of bed, which hadn’t been the easiest task the past few weeks. But she had motivation now, and even a sliver of hope that tonight would be good, that she’d finally be able to stop thinking about him. So she rolled herself out of bed and got ready to head to Jarod’s. 

Jarod wasn’t the greatest person, he had a reputation for feeding girls copious amounts of alcohol and whatever drug they pleased until they were too fucked up to say no when he came onto them. He was known for his massive parties and for being able to acquire any drug known to man. He knew Leah from around school, but couldn’t remember ever speaking to her. She was hot though, and that’s about all it took in his book to get an invite to his party.

“Yo, have any of you ever talked to Leah… I can’t remember her last name, but she’s that hot brunette that’s always sitting alone,” Jarod said to his friends as he re-read her text asking about a party tonight.

“Dude, there are hundreds of hot brunettes at our school, you’ve gotta be more specific,” that was Adam, Jarod’s best friend since elementary school and equally as much of a douchebag. 

“Are you talking about Leah Rilke? I have a few classes with her but she hasn’t been coming to school recently. Did something happen?” The comment came from across the room, the only girl that actually hung out with the group. Her name was Fatin, and she probably only hung out with them because her reputation wasn’t the best either, and the guys never seemed to judge her. 

“Nah, she’s fine, she just asked me if there were any parties tonight so I told her to come by whenever,” Jarod had a smirk on his face that the group had seen far too many times, they knew what he was thinking and it seemed like Fatin was the only one that had a problem with it. She’d never say anything to him, even if she’s normally very outspoken and opinionated, Jarod scared her and she knew not to test his anger.

A few hours later, the house was packed to the brim with kids Fatin didn’t care to introduce herself to. Her nights at parties usually went the same way, drink and smoke until she got bored, find someone she found attractive, sleep with them, and then go drink some more. Not many girls were fond of her because of this, she was well-known for sleeping with anyone she could get her hands on and being pretty proud of the fact. She was undeniably gorgeous and most girls hated her for how easily she could get whoever she set her sights on. But tonight was different, Fatin knew Leah was coming and even though they were never really close, Fatin had always been drawn to her. She can’t even remember what Leah’s voice sounded like because she had probably only heard her speak a couple of times, but for some reason, she felt excited to see the girl. 

Leah had told her parents she was spending the night at a friend’s house which they seemed happy to hear, they couldn’t remember the last time Leah went to hang out with friends. There were a million thoughts in her mind as she drove to Jarod’s. She had never really been to a party and didn’t know what to expect, but she was glad her thoughts weren’t fully consumed by Jeff for once. She played out a million different scenarios in her head on the drive, but when she pulled up she definitely wasn’t expecting to see a line of parked cars wrapped all the way around the block. She had heard stories of Jarod’s parties but didn’t know they were this big. Suddenly, she found herself even more excited to get her hands on some alcohol so she wouldn’t be as overwhelmed.

Going to a party alone is risky as it is, but Leah didn’t know many people and this party was massive. But maybe that was a good thing. When she walked through the doors of Jarod’s house, she could be anyone she wanted to be. She didn’t have to be that sad, broken girl anymore, she could be anyone. So she held her head high and walked through the doors.  
Jarod was the first person she saw, standing on top of the kitchen counter, singing along to some atrocious top 50’s rap song she wished she never had to hear again.

“Leah!” Jarod quickly jumped off the counter to greet her when he noticed her enter the room, “I didn’t think you’d actually show! You want a drink or something?” Leah could instantly smell the disgusting odor of liquor and sweat radiating off of him, but she couldn’t find the energy to care all that much. A drink sounded like the best thing she’d ever been offered so she wasn’t going to say no.

“Yeah, I’d love one,” she shouted back over the deafening music.

Leah followed him further into the kitchen, taking in the scene around her and trying to find a familiar face. Across the island, Fatin was keeping a close eye on Jarod. She had noticed Leah the second she walked through the door and knew Jarod wouldn’t hesitate to make his move on her. But Fatin knew Jarod, she knew he’d give her a couple of drinks and when Leah started feeling tipsy he’d just keep feeding her more. It wasn’t her place to step in though, she didn’t know Leah, and she was unsure of why she felt so protective over her, but she made it her mission for the night to keep an eye on her. 

An hour or so went by as Fatin had assumed it would, Leah was five drinks in, had taken several shots, and was now smoking for what was very obviously her first time. They were sitting outside, Jarod, Adam, Leah, Fatin, and a couple of other people trying to get free weed from Jarod. Jarod had his arm around Leah, and Fatin wasn’t even sure if Leah had noticed yet. 

“Hey I think she’s probably hit it enough times, I don’t think she needs any more, Jarod,” Fatin whispered to him as he held the blunt up to Leah’s mouth. Jarod gave her a look that basically meant, “mind your fucking business,” and went back to teaching Leah how to do smoke tricks. 

A few minutes went by of Jarod trying to show off, but Fatin quickly noticed Leah didn’t seem interested in the slightest. Leah stood up clumsily and announced she was going to the bathroom and would be back shortly. Before Fatin realised what she was doing, she found herself outside the bathroom waiting for Leah to come out. She realised how dumb this was, and also slightly creepy, but just as she was about to walk away she heard a loud crash come from inside the bathroom and knew Leah had probably drunkenly fallen over.

“Hey, are you okay in there?” Fatin said as she knocked on the door. There was no response so she tried to see if the door was unlocked, which it was, probably due to Leah being so fucked up she forgot to lock it. Fatin opened the door to see Leah laying on the floor giggling to herself. Fatin wasn’t sober by any means but she was nowhere near on Leah’s level. She quickly shut the door and knelt down to help the girl up.

“I heard you fall and wanted to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself, I wasn’t like, stalking you or something,” Fatin muttered out as she helped Leah regain her balance.

“You’re Fatin, cello prodigy, I’ve been waiting for you to say something all night, didn’t think you were the quiet type,” Leah was still very giggly, and the words slurred out of her mouth like she wasn’t even aware she was talking.

“I’m not a cello pro- that’s beside the point. I didn’t know you knew who I was,” the two girls were now standing facing one another and Fatin was trying to ignore how gorgeous Leah was from this close.

“Everyone knows who you are, you’re kind of known for being good with your fingers,” and with that, Fatin’s head snapped up, suddenly all ‘game’ that she once possessed was gone and she forgot how to speak.

“I mean with the cello, of course, I’m not even sure if you’re into girls like that,” and now Leah was the one stuttering, her liquid courage seemed to be wearing off.

“I mean I am, like into girls, not good with my fingers.. Well I’d like to think I’m good with my fingers but I’m not like a cocky bitch so yeah I’ll shut up now,” Fatin was stuttering, she never stuttered, and she was in fact a cocky bitch who knew damn well she was good with her fingers, but when she’s inches away from Leah’s face and she can smell the lavender perfume on her neck, Fatin thinks she’s forgotten how to breathe altogether. 

“So prove it.” And if Fatin thought she couldn’t breathe before, she definitely couldn’t now. Leah was staring at her lips, liquid courage back in full effect, and Fatin knew she was just drunk and wanted to have a good time; but if Leah needed someone to make her feel good, Fatin would gladly be that person. 

Fatin didn’t hesitate to connect their lips, and Leah didn’t hesitate to push her back into the door, pinning Fatin in place. The kiss was hungry and their breaths smelled like vodka and peach flavored blunts, but neither girl seemed to care. Leah’s hands were running through Fatin’s hair and she let out a moan as Fatin switched their positions, pushing Leah up against the door.

Fatin didn’t enjoy not being in control, and she had something to prove to Leah. She had done this probably fifty times, a meaningless hookup in the bathroom at Jarod’s. Whether it was a guy or a girl it never really mattered to her, but this was Leah and Fatin wasn’t even sure she’s had sex before. By the way Leah was kissing her, she assumed she had done this before but she didn’t want to assume, especially considering up until this moment she thought the girl was as straight as they come. Leah’s moan brought her back to reality, she needed to focus on the task at hand and get out of her head. 

“God, I want you so badly,” the words slipped out of Leah’s mouth so effortlessly and it only fueled Fatin more. She picked Leah up and moved her to the sink, spreading her legs just enough so she could step between them. Their kisses were messy and when Fatin moved her lips to Leah’s neck, Leah quickly became aware of the fact that Fatin was undoubtedly as good at this as people say. Fatin was definitely leaving a mark, or several, and subconsciously she was probably doing it on purpose, to make sure that when Leah woke up the next morning she’d be able to remember her. 

Leah tore off her shirt and quickly pulled at Fatin’s as well. She was wearing a skirt and Fatin would be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed how good Leah’s legs looked in it the second she walked into the party. But now, she was admiring her in a way she had never done before. Leah was beautiful and Fatin wanted to make sure she knew that.

Her hands were all over Leah’s body, touching every inch she could reach but it wasn’t enough. She wanted all of Leah and she could tell Leah was growing impatient. 

“You want to feel how good my fingers are, huh? Is that what you want?” Fatin’s confidence only grew when Leah couldn’t even get any words out. All she could do was push Fatin’s hand lower and Fatin knew exactly what that meant. 

“God, you’re so fucking wet,” Fatin wasn’t expecting it, she wasn’t expecting any of this but here she was. Leah quickly started riding her fingers, wanting desperately for her to go faster and stop teasing her. Fatin knew Leah deserved to feel good, and she couldn’t deny how badly she wanted to taste her, she knelt down and the second her tongue met Leah, the other girl let out a loud moan. Suddenly, Leah was incredibly grateful for the obnoxious music Jarod had blasting throughout the house. 

Fatin definitely knew what she was doing and it wasn’t long before Leah was on the brink of an orgasm. Fatin kept up her pace and looked up at Leah, the girl was undeniably sexy, riding her face with her hand’s in Fatin’s hair; Fatin never wanted it to stop but she could tell the girl was close so she paused just long enough to mutter out, “cum for me, Leah.”

Leah’s legs began to shake around Fatin’s head, Fatin was in awe of the girl and couldn’t stop watching her as she rode out her orgasm.

But through all of the unexpectedness of the evening, Fatin was definitely not prepared when she heard Leah moan out the words, “God, Jeff, I missed you so much.”


	2. Part 2: You’ve Ruined My Life By Not Being Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two! Hope you guys enjoy.

Monday came along and Fatin had spent the past day trying her best to forget what had happened at the party. She had never once had someone say the wrong name while they were fucking, and granted Leah was incredibly fucked up, she’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt her. 

Who the fuck even was Jeff? Fatin didn’t think there was a Jeff at their school and she had never seen Leah talking to anyone by that name. The whole situation was weird and she definitely wasn’t looking forward to seeing Leah in her first-period class.

When she walked in Leah was already sitting at the table Fatin had been sitting at the entire year.

“Hey! I don’t have your number so I couldn’t really reach out yesterday but I wanted to say thanks… for the party and stuff, I had a really good time,” Leah muttered out as Fatin sat down beside the girl.

Did she not remember what she said? Honestly, Fatin wouldn’t doubt it if she had forgotten that part. Right after Leah had let Jeff’s name slip their hookup came to a close and both girls went back to the party like nothing had happened. 

“No need to thank me, I had a good time too,” Fatin replied without making eye contact. Maybe she was more upset about what happened than she’d care to admit.

The girls didn’t talk much for the rest of the period, but in every class they had together after that they silently agreed to sit with each other. Leah even joined Fatin’s group at lunch where they discussed the plans for Friday’s party after the football game. The week continued on like that, Fatin and Leah finally exchanged numbers and when they weren’t at school the two would text constantly. Usually about Euphoria and how badly Fatin wants to fuck Maddy, the conversations never got really serious but Fatin enjoyed talking to Leah and she hoped the other girl felt the same way.

Friday night rolled around, their group didn’t attend the football game, it wasn’t really their scene and they had to prepare for the party anyways. If Leah thought last weekend’s party was big, she was in for a treat tonight. It felt like the entire school was there and Leah was happy to have started drinking hours before everyone got there. She felt much more comfortable this time, knowing she had Fatin to talk to if she ever got overwhelmed or anxious by the amount of people there. 

It wasn’t long before Jarod was offering the two girls lines, Fatin didn’t hesitate to clear her’s but she knew Leah had never done this before. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, like seriously you really don’t,” Fatin tried to reassure Leah.

“No, I want to. I'm just not really sure how to do it,” Leah seemed to be embarrassed by this fact, she knew their whole group did this regularly and she felt like an innocent little girl compared to them.

Fatin pushed the line away and put a dime-sized amount on her finger, “Just start with this, you don’t need any more than that.”

She coached Leah through it and Jarod finished the line that was originally meant for Leah. The group headed back into the center of the party and Leah knew that this was the feeling she had been craving, the feeling of euphoria and numbness. She felt so free and invincible and when Jarod started dancing against her, she let herself enjoy his touch instead of pushing away from it. 

Fatin found a guy she had hooked up with multiple times before and started dancing with him. She knew it wasn’t a competition, but seeing Leah dance with Jarod fueled something inside her that she wouldn’t admit was jealousy. Leah had quickly become one of her best friends and if the girl wanted to dance with someone, it wasn’t Fatin’s place to stop her.

So Fatin decided to enjoy dancing with the guy, whose name she can’t seem to remember, and forget about whatever was going to happen with Leah and Jarod. The guy was sweaty and had absolutely no rhythm, but Fatin didn’t really care, at this point she kind of just wanted to fuck him and then never speak to him again. Right as she started to kiss him, Leah came up and grabbed at the back of Fatin’s shirt, pulling her away from the kiss.

“I’m kinda in the middle of something here, are you alright?” Fatin said, trying to hide the fact that she was grateful for Leah cutting off her moment.

“Can you come to the bathroom with me?” Fatin thought she was making it up, but the tone Leah carried when she said that made her think they were about to have a repeat of last weekend.

As they approached the bathroom, Fatin was growing more and more anxious. She loved fucking Leah, don’t get her wrong, but she wasn’t really in the mood to hear someone else’s name be moaned again. 

The second the door shut Leah pushed Fatin up against it and locked it behind the girl’s back.

“What, you didn’t wanna fuck Jarod?” Fatin teased.

“No, I want you to fuck me,” Leah was very straightforward and Fatin couldn’t tell if that was the alcohol and the drugs or if that’s just how she was.  
Their kisses weren’t as messy this time, Fatin took the time to be precise with her movements. Biting on Leah’s bottom lip and pulling it back, making Leah let out a soft moan.

Leah’s hands were in Fatin’s hair and Fatin had one around her waist and the other cupping Leah’s boob. They had too many clothes on and both girls seemed to come to that conclusion at the same time because they both paused briefly to remove their shirts. Fatin snaked one hand around Leah’s back and removed her bra clasp with only two fingers, a trick she was pretty proud of. 

Fatin moved her lips down to Leah’s neck, sucking and licking roughly. Leah’s head was completely empty, all she could think about was the feeling of Fatin’s soft lips all over her body. 

When Fatin moved even lower to wrap her lips around Leah’s nipple, Leah thought she’d cum just from the sensation. She had never been touched like this, no, praised. When she slept with Jeff it never felt like she was his priority, more like he just wanted a quick fuck and nothing else. But with Fatin it was completely different, even if they were both fucked up, Leah could tell that the girl wanted to make her feel good and it was nice to feel wanted.

Fatin continued to move lower, they were now up against the sink in the same position they had found themselves in last weekend. Fatin slipped her head between Leah’s legs and started biting the inside of her thighs, teasing the girl relentlessly.

“Stop teasing,” Leah begged as she started to grow more and more impatient.

“Tell me what you want, Leah, I want you to say it,” Fatin’s bites were growing closer and closer to the area Leah wanted her lips to be most.

“Please taste me, please, I need it,” Leah barely managed to get out, and that was enough for Fatin to stop teasing and give the girl what she wanted.

Leah was just as wet, if not wetter, than she was last time, and Fatin was sure she had never tasted anything as good as her. She swirled her tongue in circles around her clit and she could feel Leah’s legs tightening around her head. But she wasn’t ready for the moment to end just yet, so she quickly removed her lips and kissed Leah again, making sure she could taste herself on Fatin’s lips. 

Leah let out a loud groan, tired of being teased, and only wanting to cum at this point. She grabbed Fatin’s hand and pushed it lower, begging for any sort of pressure. Fatin’s fingers slipped easily inside her and she kept up the pace she had started with her tongue. Fatin loved this, watching Leah as she fucked her relentlessly. 

“God, I’m gonna cum please don’t stop, please,” Leah was riding Fatin’s fingers and Fatin would be lying if she said it wasn’t quite possibly the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.

“Say my name,” Fatin whispered into Leah’s ear, but Leah just moaned in response.

“I said, say my fucking name,” this time Fatin grabbed Leah’s face and made her look her dead in the eyes as she said it. 

“Fatin please, god I’m so close.”

“That’s right, say my name as you cum all of over my fingers,” Fatin’s confidence was definitely showing but above all else, she wanted to prove a point, she wanted to prove to Leah that whoever Jeff was he would never be able to fuck her the same way Fatin did. 

“Fuck, Fatin, I’m gonna cum,” and with that, Leah’s legs began shaking around Fatin’s arm and she didn’t stop saying her name as she rode out her orgasm. 

Fatin slowly removed her fingers and chuckled to herself. 

“Well that was, wow,” Fatin loved every second of that and she was glad it didn’t end as awkwardly as it had last weekend.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been fucked like that, no scratch that, I know I’ve never been fucked like that,” Leah said as she climbed off the sink and tried to regain her composure.

“You deserve to get fucked like that every time, I hope you know that,” Fatin replied, washing her hands and looking at the girl in the mirror.

The girls made sure they looked somewhat decent before leaving the bathroom and rejoining the party, Fatin was proud of the large marks she left on Leah’s neck and she hoped Jarod noticed them.

The following week continued the same way the last had, except Leah was rarely sober throughout it. She would meet Jarod before classes started and smoke, and after school they’d all hang out and get drunk. The two girls didn’t talk about their recurring hookups, but Fatin was growing worried by how Leah was throwing herself into this lifestyle. They had grown close over the past couple of weeks, but she wasn’t sure if it was her place to say something. It was a Thursday night and the group hadn’t hung out after school, but the girls had been texting for hours and Fatin thought now was as good a time as any to bring up Leah’s recent use of drugs.

Fatin: Hey, I know it’s not really my place and we aren’t incredibly close, but I’ve had your vagina on my face so I feel like I’m allowed to say this. I just want you to know that if you’re going through something and like, wanna talk about it I’m here. I know it’s easy to use drugs to cope but it’s not the only way to do it and I don’t want you to only use drugs to escape something.

Fatin left their texts open as she waited nervously for the other girl to reply. Their conversations were always lighthearted and she was worried that she overstepped and possibly put their friendship at risk.

Leah: Thank you for that, idk, I had a rough couple of months and I definitely started using drugs to try and escape some of that pain. But I’m being careful and there’s nothing to worry about, I promise.

Fatin had heard that before, she knew there was something to worry about and it was even more concerning to hear Leah say she doesn’t see a problem about it but she wasn’t going to push it any further.

Fatin: I just care about you and don’t want something happening knowing I could’ve done something to help. I do mean it though, no matter what it is, you can always talk to me. I’m not really the judgemental type if you can’t tell and my life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows either.

Leah: I’ll keep that in mind, thank you Fatin, really, for everything. I’ve never really had a best friend and you’re definitely making your way up there.

Fatin wasn’t sure why that last part caused a pang in her chest, she was happy to be Leah’s best friend and she knew Leah was quickly becoming hers as well, but she couldn’t hide the fact that she wanted something more than just that.

The two texted for a little while longer before Fatin decided it was probably best to get some sleep. She fell asleep that night with Leah on her mind and she had a feeling it would be that way for a while.


	3. Part 3: A Stranger Whose Laugh I Could Recognise Anywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention before that you guys should definitely listen to Reputation as you read if you're the type of person to do that. Anyway, not sure where to take it after this so if you guys have any thoughts let me know :)

A couple of years back, Fatin had a friend named Dorothy, or Dot for short. The two were inseparable. Their bond had started through their use of drugs. Dot was the school’s drug dealer, she used the money to help support her and her dad, who had been diagnosed with cancer the year before they met. They didn’t expect him to last very long, but Dot dropped everything in her life to take care of him. Fatin would spend most of her days at Dot’s hanging out with her and her dad, trying to make their situation a little less gloomy. Fatin was a ray of sunshine and Dot’s dad loved her company, it was nice to see that Dot had a friend. A couple of months into their friendship Dot’s dad passed away. Fatin remembered the day vividly, getting a call from Dot and just hearing screams. She didn’t think she’d ever forget that sound. 

She did everything she could to make sure Dot knew she wasn’t alone, that she had a family in Fatin and that that would never change. But the pain Dot carried never seemed to subside. She would get high every single day and would only sleep when she passed out from drinking too much. Fatin should have seen it coming, she should have stepped in and made Dot get help. When she went to school one morning and heard everyone’s whispers, she couldn’t accept the truth.

Dot had overdosed the night before, they tried their best to save her but it was hours before anyone found her. Fatin hated herself for not doing more, for not being there when Dot overdosed. If only she had been there, she would’ve been able to call for help sooner, Dot would still be alive if Fatin had only just been there. 

Fatin will never forget Dot, and she had never forgiven herself for not doing more sooner. She could’ve saved the girl’s life and she carried the guilt of that with her every single day. So when Fatin met Leah she knew it needed to be different. She couldn’t watch Leah go down the same path Dot did. It was so easy to consume yourself in drugs and Fatin knew it was easier to feel nothing than to feel the pain of something great. 

She could tell Leah was running from something, trying to escape some sort of pain and she assumed it had to do with the Jeff guy. She knew heartbreak could be bad, but Fatin was never one for falling in love so it wasn’t as easy for her to understand.

What she did know, however, was that Leah had so much more to experience in life and she couldn’t let her through her life away just so she could forget about some boy. Fatin walked into her first period and Leah was nowhere to be seen. Worried about the girl, she pulled her phone out to shoot her a text.

Fatin: You good? You’re not in class

She didn’t want to be too formal, for all she knew Leah just slept in or something. But with Dot on her mind that morning, it was hard not to assume the worst.

Leah: Yeah I’m good, out in the parking lot with Jarod. I’ll be there next period.

Fatin chose to accept that and trust that Leah was safe, she needed to focus on anything besides the girl so she put her phone away and listened to her teacher’s lecture. 

Second period rolled around and Leah was already in her seat. She was slumped over and looked like she had just been hit by a car.

“Fuck, Leah, you look like shit. What did he give you?” Fatin couldn’t hide her concern and she could tell Leah was too fucked up to even pick up on it.

“Uhhh, some lines, a blunt, I don’t really remember,” Leah was laughing as she said it, but Fatin didn’t find it very funny.

“You know, his dick is bigger than I thought it would be,” Leah was still giggling, barely able to keep her head up.

“You fucked him? Leah, you can barely keep your fucking head up,” Fatin was pissed, at Jarod for taking advantage of Leah, and Leah for letting him.

“It wasn’t bad, I’m just having fun. You don’t have to be such a bitch,” Leah had never spoken to Fatin like this and the other girl knew it was the drugs talking, but either way, her anger was growing by the second.

They didn’t speak the rest of that period and barely said anything else the rest of the day. Fatin had offered to drive her home, seeing as Leah was still pretty fucked up and didn’t need to be driving.

The car ride to Leah’s was quiet, at one point Fatin thought the girl had fallen asleep. As they approached Leah’s house, the silence grew more awkward.

“Do you wanna come in? I feel like I owe you an apology for earlier,” Leah kept her eyes on her feet, not daring to look Fatin in the eyes.

“I mean, you owe yourself more of an apology. What the fuck are you doing, Leah? You haven’t been sober in days and now you’re fucking Jarod? What’s going on with you?” Fatin was still angry and she couldn’t tell if it was from true concern for the girl or just jealousy.

“Why is me fucking Jarod any different than what we do? I don’t understand the problem,” Leah was getting angry now too.

“Because, Leah, I actually fucking care about you. Jarod is a piece of shit and just wants to take advantage of you.”

“So let him!” Leah cut Fatin off before she could even finish her sentence, “I don’t care, Fatin. I enjoyed my time with him this morning and considering you’ve fucked half the school I don’t think you have room to judge.”

“I’m not judging you, I just want what’s best for you, and I know this isn’t it. I can’t lose another best friend, Leah,” Fatin’s voice broke at the last part. The memories started coming back to Leah. Dorothy, was Fatin’s best friend. Leah remembers hearing about what happened but she was so wrapped up in Jeff she never reached out to Fatin. She knew the two were close and she saw how badly it impacted Fatin when she had died. 

“I’m so sorry, I… I’m so sorry, Fatin. I remember hearing about what happened, I’m so sorry,” silence lingered between the two girls as Fatin cried silently.

“She was my best friend and I watched her kill herself. I didn’t do anything, I just sat there and watched and now it’s my fault she’s gone,” Fatin was sobbing at this point and all Leah knew to do was hold the girl.

“It isn’t your fault, Fatin. It wasn’t your job to get her help, she made her own decisions,” Leah had Fatin’s head in her shoulder, feeling her t-shirt grow wetter as Fatin choked out another sob.

“I just don’t want to lose you too,” Fatin whispered.

“Hey, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere,” Leah cooed as she ran her fingers through Fatin’s hair. 

Something shifted in Leah as they sat in the car. She realised how much Fatin meant to her. When she was with Jeff she cared about him so deeply it consumed her, she allowed herself to be lost in him and before she realised it, she was no longer her own person. But the way she cared about Fatin was completely different. She never wanted to hurt the girl again and she was beating herself up mentally for not realising how her actions could impact her sooner. She had started using drugs to escape the thought of Jeff, to rid herself of the pain he brought her. But no matter how much drugs she consumed the past couple of weeks, that pain in her chest had never subsided. Until this moment. As she sat with Fatin’s head in her shoulder, running her fingers through her hair as she felt Fatin’s breath begin to steady; she felt the pain in her chest leave her. The memory of Jeff no longer pained her, the only thought on her mind was making sure she never hurt Fatin again.

“Come inside, I don’t want you to leave yet,” Leah said as she raised Fatin’s head back up.

The pair walked inside silently, both of Leah’s parents were still at work so the only one’s there to greet her were Leah’s three cats. They played with the cats for a few minutes before Leah led Fatin upstairs. Fatin took in the beauty of Leah’s room, it was exactly as she expected it. A bookshelf lined the entire far wall, filled head to toe with books Fatin had never heard of. There were plants lined across a wall that was covered in posters of films and bands, some of which Fatin recognised. Her bed wasn’t made but it looked like one giant cloud, covered in blankets and pillows.

“Sorry it’s so messy, I haven’t cleaned in months,” Leah awkwardly laughed as she started throwing dirty clothes in her closet.

“I love it, I don’t think I’d never leave my bed if this were my room,” Fatin said as she admired every little detail in the room. 

The girls sat on Leah’s bed after she finished making it look somewhat decent and a comfortable silence encased the room.

“Can I tell you something with confidence that you won’t like, go to the cops or something,” Leah broke the silence.

“Are you about to ask me to help you hide a body, Leah? We’ve done blow together. I don’t think I’d turn you into the cops,” Fatin replied jokingly.

“No like really, I haven’t told anyone about it but I trust you and I think it’ll help to finally like, be able to say it all aloud,” Leah was looking at Fatin in a way she had never done before.

“You can tell me anything.”

So Leah told her everything. How she drove Jeff back to his hotel that first night, the first drunk text he sent her admitting his feelings, how she lied about her age, how he was her first. She told Fatin every little detail and sobbed the whole way through. As she laid in Fatin’s lap, spilling the details of the most painful situation she had ever experienced, she realised that the pain he caused her was real. It wasn’t just a fantasy that Leah had made up in her head anymore. She was expecting Fatin to get up and leave the second she finished talking, to be disgusted by her lying about her age and the situation as a whole. But Fatin just held her, whispering that she wasn’t going anywhere while running soft circles across her back.

“I have so much I want to say right now,” Fatin finally spoke, “I want you to know that your worth is not defined by his actions and that, whether you’ve realised it or not, what he did is not acceptable. He’s almost twenty years older than you, Leah, and even if had been 18 it still would’ve been just as cruel. He manipulated every situation throughout your relationship and took advantage of the power he held over you. You are not some small fragile little girl, you’re powerful and worthy of every ounce of love this world has to offer you, Leah,” Fatin was speaking with so much passion and anger, but it was all because she cared for Leah so deeply.

She wanted to find Jeff and rip him limb to limb, make him pay for the pain that he caused Leah in the most excruciating way possible. Besides the fact that he committed statutory rape, he took advantage of every piece of her. He knew she was vulnerable, he knew she would fall in love with him and he allowed it to happen. Fatin was seething, but she couldn’t let it show. She knew reacting angrily was not what Leah needed right now. She needed comfort and support and love. She needed to know she was loved.

“I love you, Leah, I love you unconditionally and I want you to know that what he did to you is not your fault. You don’t need to blame yourself because you lied about your age because he was the one who made the decision to do what he did. You can’t hold yourself accountable for the actions that someone consciously chose to make. You are worth so much more than he could ever give you,” Fatin was still holding Leah as tightly as she possibly could and the other girl was sobbing even harder than she was before.

Leah didn’t say anything back. She had never been told those words before, that she was worth something, that she deserved to be loved. She knew what Jeff did was wrong, she had come to terms with that a few weeks ago, but she still blamed herself for putting herself in the situation to begin with. She knew Fatin meant every word she said, she had never felt more loved or safe in her entire life than she did at that moment, and she didn’t think she would ever be able to repay Fatin for being such a good friend.


End file.
